I’ve been in a bit of a quandary as to how to proceed with this here ultimately-not-so-wee little series. When I first began, I had every outline and intention of keeping it to 4 posts – how I got sick, what was wrong, how they put me back together again, and “Whee! Look errybody! I’m better again!”

But apparently some part of my subconcious delights in painting my left brain into corners, as my stream-of-consciousness, sidebar-for-an-explanation-or-a-story, psuedo-reflective, flipping-the-bird-at-outlines actual style of writing took over, and I find myself three posts in having not yet arrived in my hospital room.  Hrrm. What to do?

I knew I couldn’t just say, “whoops! Sorry y’all! That didn’t turn out like I planned but this is NOT a CF blog first and foremost, so I’m just kinda done. I’m here and writing and joking so you know it turned out ok, right? Here! Recipe!” Which is why I just kind of…stopped posting for a minute. I didn’t want to just keep on with Tenant’s Meals and “Can You Believe This?” and Brain Wheaties and the like without somehow acknowledging that this was slightly off the rails, but still deserved to be completed; but I wasn’t sure quite what to do, and therefore, how to acknowledge the elephant in the (hospital) room.

It’s like watching a reality show for which you’ve already seen the commercials for next week’s episode, so you kind of know what’s going to happen, but the cable goes out or you’re interuppted for totally-not-that-breaking news 13 minutes into this episode. UGH! What the heck ACTUALLY HAPPENS? Who gets voted off the island? Who gets the rose at the 2-on-1?  Just because you know the summary end result doesn’t mean you’re any less invested in the how of getting there. At least that’s how I interact with my mindless teevee. So that was out, I had to see this thing through.

But continuing to post, Part (roman numeral) after Part (next roman numeral), until it all came to its natural conclusion, wasn’t an option either – for exactly the reason I was tempted, if only for a minute, to throw in the towel completely. This isn’t a “CF blog”.  This is a “Jessica” blog, and unfortunately CF often wedges its way in at times and in ways and with a frequency that are less than welcomed; but that doesn’t mean I get to just ignore it. Believe me. I’ve tried. And it’s weird, and inauthentic. So what started as a “CF 101/this is why I went AWOL” quick-and-dirty deal has taken on a life of its own. And I want to honor that and follow where it leads, while still staying true to my original and very important intentions of making this my happy place away from all of that (or pissy place, or foodie place, or whatever place I chose – but exactly because it is what I chose, rather than what my genes chose for me. I can do that on the internet. I can’t in the flesh at 10:00am on a random Tuesday. Yay internet!).

So much later than I would have preferred, but as the saying goes, still better than never, a compromise finally dawned on my stressed out, aching little head. I’ll be continuing this thing, as it flows from my brain to my fingers, until it’s done. I don’t know when or how that will be yet, so I can’t tell you that yet. But I’ll be posting the installments, if you will, on a weekly rather than consecutive basis. At the bottom of each post, I’ll have links to all the posts prior for anybody just joining who might potentially possibly maybe probably not but just in case be interested in getting caught up – and I’ll go back and do the same on the previous posts in the next day or so. Everything else? Normal stuff. Who and what and why “the vast majority rest of me” stuff.

Fair deal?*

*I really am interested, if you’re one of the “what happens next?” people, to hear what you think…but I’ve been so bent out of shape over what to do that having finally stumbled upon a solution that felt right, I’m unlikely to change course unless you give me a really good reason and an alternative, preferable suggestion. Because I do think that’s fair.