From the “things that are legitimately interrupting my ability to sleep soundly, and either have immense or zero actual bearing on my life” files, a question of “faith.” Namely, other people’s reactions to other people’s faith – or more pointedly, lack thereof.
I’ll get in to the nuts and bolts of what I believe about other realms another time, but for all intents and purposes, I’m agnostic in its most literal sense – I believe that as we exist in our current form and with our present faculties, we can neither prove nor disprove the existence of a deity or deities; whether he/she/it/they are involved in our current, present existences as we perceive them nor the degree of his/her/it/their involvement, should the first two premises be demonstrated positively. To be clear, I find militant, unshakeable atheism just as confusing and irrational (again, in its literal sense of “lacking in rationality’’, not its colloquial value judgment) as I do militant religiosity. I also find some militant atheists’ broad and baseless intellectual attacks on people of faith just as offensive as believers’ presumption of non-believers’ low moral standards and certain, deserved, future otherworldly torture.
But the fact that I had to stop and point that out, and make such a big deal out of the fact that cross my heart and swear on Cooper and my closet that I’m not belittling religious people, actually kind of illustrates exactly what has me so chapped lately. Using, for hamster wheel and word count purposes, *social media* as a very small and workable micro example of a huge-ass macro THING… poke around on Facebook, kill a few hours on Pinterest, glaze your brain on Instagram, and without trying – actually, even if you’re actively trying to avoid it – you will see endless streams of quotes, graphics, icons and the like referencing faith. Reminders among believers to each other and themselves that they are loved unconditionally, and living lives of legacy and purpose; encouragement against creeping doubts and wearying worldly troubles. All, for all intents and purposes, good stuff.
I, personally, do not draw strength or encouragement from such posts and pictures, as their underlying premises do not hold any particular truth for me, let alone that of such guiding virtue to serve as a gut-check or refocusing aid. But am I bothered or offended by others’ posting of them, or the fact that they do find them helpful? There are definitely some that, if I was really trying, I could find offensive – you know, the ones waxing on and on about how (presumably) the poster is “chosen” and “called” and whatnot, again, presumably excluding-by-deduction those who don’t share the same faith (at best – some of the inter-denominational Christian mudslinging I see has me hoping for their sakes that Jesus ISN’T paying much attention to their daily lives – but I digress). Or the ones based on the premise that “this world (i.e., me & my ilk)” is all but conspiring to ruin any shred of peace or happiness the poster may fleetingly grasp; or the ones alluding to the idea that anyone who doesn’t have faith is just too stupid or stubborn or arrogant or self-loathing to want to experience true knowledge/humility/grace/peace/insert generic state of well-being here.
See? If I wanted to be offended by that which encourages and inspires those I love, and which is shared with only the best intentions – I absolutely and most certainly could, and would have fairly legitimate grounds on which to do so.
But why would I? And that’s my question…for people of faith, why are similar quotes, pictures, and the like posted by explicitly non-believing people so offensive? Again, just to really cover my ass here, I’m not talking about posts belittling believers as stupid simply for having faith. But reminders to each other and ourselves that even without a g-d, we can make a difference, and that someone else values exploration and questioning and new ideas as much as we do; encouragement against misunderstanding of our guiding principles and accusations that we have none – is that not also ‘all good stuff’?
Even if you, personally, do not draw strength or encouragement from such posts and pictures, as their underlying premises do not hold any particular truth for you, why is it considered an affront on my part to post such things, things that encourage and inspire me and others I love, things posted with only the best of intentions on my part, too? If it’s because they seem accusatory, as if I’m saying that by having faith you don’t value exploration, or questioning, or new ideas…how is that any more accusatory and offensive than someone else’s post about her ‘station as a chosen daughter of the king’? Nowhere in her post does it say “and you’re not! Pfft!” Likewise, “’When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That’s my religion.’ – Abraham Lincoln” doesn’t finish with “and adding Jesus to the mix makes you dumb! Sheep!”
In either case, getting offended, to me, means one of two things: either you’re assuming somebody’s adding that little bit at the end in their own minds, in which case, you’re being pretty logically uncharitable (and should probably question your friendship with said person); or you’re, uh, projecting a little bit. As in, “…and I’m NOT chosen, or at least these people Hmmph.”, or “…and that must make me stupid or weak to need more than that, or at least these people think so. Hmmph.”
I’m sure there are just as many “nice atheists” and “nice agnostics” running around making their communal-minority-faithy-friends paranoid and defensive about their own declarations of faith, etc, yada yada yada. And as with basically everything I call a “problem”, I get that this kind of needs a giant “hashtag-first-world” tacked in front of it. Disclaimers, disclaimers, laaaaa laaa laa.
But my general naïve confusion – “seriously? what’s so freaking touchy about this?” has turned in to that thing, like when women get pregnant and suddenly see babies EVERYWHERE, or you pick up a screen print of a fox at the thrift shop, and three weeks later you’re afraid to ‘round the corner at Target lest yet.another.fox.figurine. jump out in your field of vision uninvited. It just seems like the faithy people get so much broader and longer a hall pass to sort of elbow into the edges of other people’s value sets, but the fact that I arrange my life around seeking out evidence, striving towards openness, and if all else fails, trying to give people the benefit of the doubt – none of which run counter to any major themes of any major religion, Christianity included – leaves me pretty consistently on the (intellectual/spiritual) defense.
I’m sincerely not whining, and at this point, not even particularly bothered – if nothing else, there’s definitely a general majority/minority principle at play here, at least in my own particular little spheres. I’m just genuinely amazed at how hair-trigger the sensibilities of even some of the most laid-back of folks seem to be when it comes to even a perceived attack on their faith (or, more accurately, them as people faith), while their comparable statements are supposed to just be…Tuesday? That my post of a Carl Sagan or Neil deGrasse Tyson is “I mean, a little aggressive, is all” or “just not necessary, really” but others’ quotes and verses declaring, say, ‘the almighty’s intent to heal those he loves’ are on me to take in stride?
For the record, yes, I do think my reaction to other people’s odd-but-we-all-do-it dichotomy of shared/personal inspiration is ‘on me’. I think it is, and should be, *my* responsibility as a relatively intelligent, sentient being, choosing on my own accord both to interface with this particular form of media at large and with this or that person in particular, to temper any errant hair-trigger negativity on my part with my knowledge of this person and their intentions, and failing that (i.e., he or she really is kind of being an ass and trying to goad people), the fact that ah yes, I’m still the one *choosing* to stay friends – real or virtual – with this person and view what they choose to say and post also. It’s just that, since it’s kind of become my own little triplet-stroller or fox statue for the time being – that I’m trying to shake, in part by writing this post – that more people on both sides of the fence at least attempted the same approach.
I swear it. The words “Question Everything” are just as much my reason to hop out of bed in the morning as “Jesus Loves Me” are yours. I’m happy you have your words, and on my most cynical of days would never try to take them, and the sentiments in which they are rooted, from you. Can we just shake on it and see if you can try to leave me mine?
I can identify with the underlying frustration behind the flaming. When you are chronically ill, a trip to the ER, for example, is disproportionately anxiety-inducing. It’s a one-two punch of both “whatever is acutely wrong”, but also having to educate/argue with/convince ER physicians whose job it is not to be a walking encyclopedia of every random genetic disorder and its manifestations; but who, in this moment, could really help you, and themselves, if they would just trust that it is your job to be the said walking encyclopedia about this random genetic disorder, and its specific manifestations in this body – so please, Dr. ER Roulette, M.D. – either get over yourself and call Dr. My Specialist, who I swear won’t mind, or otherwise trust what I’m saying and treat me accordingly.
Part of being an adult, I’ve gathered, is understanding and accepting that, erm, shit happens. Do I get a pang of frustration and “You don’t get it! Let’s trade!” when I hear someone complain about how the enormous expensive of their follow-up care for a brief-and-generally-successful cancer diagnosis and respective treatment – when the total out-of-pocket for that follow-up care has been less than I have to pay annually in drug co-pays alone? When she had a childhood, adolescence, and college experience of healthy and normal – interrupted by two absolutely and indisputably hellish years that I in no way minimize or dismiss, but has thankfully gone back to a daily standard of ”healthy and normal”, and can refer to the worst of her illness in past-tense? Do I bite my tongue and walk away from the keyboard when I see someone vehemently ranting about his opposition to healthcare reform, despite all he’s been through, out of a fear-based desire to keep his favorite practitioners close to the chest and his wait times short? OF COURSE I DO.